Rant incoming. Grab a cuppa. You see, I’ve had enough of the absolute tripe we, as motorcyclists, are regularly being fed!
What am I on about? Here goes.
Motorcycle categories. They’ve defined the game for as long as bikes have existed. Adventure, Cruiser, Sports, Sports Tourer, Chookie…
And, of course there are a few sub-groups within those larger segments as well.
They each have their dedicated tribes, too, each with its own uniform, set of rules and culture. As much as we like to think that we are amazingly free of such things, in my experience the average motorcyclist is kinda conservative. Settle down Tarzan, you know I’m right.
It’s not all sooky-lala stuff though. Much of it makes a bit of sense.
Indeed, we expect value for hard-earned money and guard our way of life fiercely — all with a strong resistance to change. Well, I hate to swash up your buckle, but that is hardly a devil may care attitude, now is it.
The fact is, one thing that has, and will always, ring true, is the old adage regarding selling to the motorcycling public: “Follow it and see what it eats.”
Now I don’t wanna toss a weevil in your oatmeal, but there’s a fair chance you and I have been had over the years.
“Whaaat?” I hear you inwardly scream. “Me? Rubbish, I know all about bikes.” Okay, get your undies unwadded. Once all that spiky indignation calms down, perhaps we can re-engage.
Now, this “category” business. If you read the brochures and fail to recognise them for the rat bastard liars they can be, you’d reckon the fastest way between two points is aboard a sportsbike. In fact, there are very few instances where that is indeed true. I’ll elucidate.
Commuting? Nup. The best way to commute in anything like a busy area is aboard a small capacity chook chaser. But you won’t hear that in the PR blurb. Not sexy enough.
Twisties? Sorry. Another nup. Most Aussie outta town roads are rough. Sporties like it smooth and in perfect conditions (which almost don’t exist outside a racetrack) as they are razor sharp and super quick.
In the real world, the lack of leverage at the bars in average going makes it hard to toss a bike on its side quickly. You are far better off aboard something with leverage. Like an Adventure bike. Huh? But, the salesman said…
We get to capacity. I defy any mortal to ride a litre sports bike faster than a 600. Again, just about anywhere. “But the brochure said I’d be just like — insert favourite MotoGP rider’s name here — if I opted for the bigger (and more expensive) bike. It must be true.” I’m using up all my nups in this one story, but, here goes… nup.
Cruisers. Only for those who like it easy and slow? Old man’s bikes? After all, when was the last time the brochure showed a young bloke all full of juice on a cruiser? Like never? Yep. Never.
Well, I’m here to tell you that I have ridden with some people who were absolutely ungettable on a big cruiser. And I don’t care what you were on. Disappearing into the distance, seated upright and with hardware sparking all over the road. Cruisers slow and evil-handling for spirited going? Another lie.
There are a whole lot more retail furphies being told in motorcycle emporia all across the wide brown land as we speak. If I may be so bold, question all that you have been told. There’s a fair whack of tripe in the marketing. You just might be better suited to an entirely different category of motorcycle than you have been told. And, the hardware may well be cheaper.
Upset the status quo and refuse the Kool Aid.
Snaggy.
Snag’s career in motoring journalism spans 30 years with stints at major bike mags Australian Road Rider, Motorcycle Trader and AMCN along with contributions to just about every other outlet worth a hill of beans. He was editor of Unique Cars magazine and hosts his legendary podcast ‘Snag Says’ when he gets off his date.
