Snag’s Lap episode five: Waiting on a dastardly sugar cane train

He’s 6500km into the 21,000km around-Oz gig. He’s survived major floodwater scares, sat out a bout of Covid-19, been threatened by sugar cane train drivers and booted a possum-thief in the arse. Yes, you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, but here’s the latest instalment of our very own version of Mad Max, Silly Snag.

Let me get one thing clear from the outset. I kinda resent that introduction. I haven’t spent 30 years building a great reputation in this industry only to… Come to think of it, no, I haven’t.

Be that as it may, let’s recap since the last video, which was Episode 4. Don’t worry, the whole boxed set will be available on Blu-ray just in time for Christmas, so you are set up there.

Well, you learn things on the road. Like who the hell designed sugar cane trains is a rat bastard motorcycle hating Beelzebub of a bloke. 

The rails are just narrow enough gauge to disallow a natural resumption of side-grip when wet. Read as: F&*kin slippery, and the length of the trains really is a bit of a joke. I grew a beard waiting for one just south of Ingham and watched my clothes go out of fashion at a crossing just north of West Bumphuk. Yep, looooong trains. Got it? You sweet tooths have much for which to answer.

I got my own back though. You’ll have to watch the video to see the trickery I get up to. I’m tickled just thinking about it. Or that could be a midgey bite. Those mongrels seem to treat me as a mobile bain-marie. Snagasbord kinda operation.

Anyway, I’m a third of the way through the trip at 6200-odd km, but Mr Covid had his evil way with me at Port Douglas and the seven-day isolation period was pretty unpleasant. Indeed, seven days locked in a room with me is a pretty horrid prospect, even if you are me. My mates are right… I really am an obnoxious setup.

I’m about to turn south west, heading towards Normanton. Big kays, red dust and proper outback stuff. Yep, the half-Whitsundays are over. This thing gets serious now. Guess I better too.

Follow the below link to see the journey. It will sync as I go so you won’t miss a minute. Exciting huh. I can see you are beside yourself at the prospect. Any-bloody-how, enjoy the video, like and subscribe and I’ll annoy you all again soon enough.

Stay up to date with Snag’s Lap in real time right here.

What the hell is Snag’s Lap?

So glad you asked… Apparently, it’s been a dream of his since he can remember. To do a full lap of this wide brown land on a motorcycle, camping all the way. So, when he turned 60, he reckoned it was then or never. That was his first mistake…

Covid has put the thing on the back-burner twice now and our ‘senior’ journo is looking down the barrel of 62, but let’s not bog down in who shot who. Thank Christ, he’s now on the road and we can get some work done around here.

“Counter clockwise is the go!”. Here at the IM Bunker random shoutings like that have emanated from the old bugger’s office with monotonous regularity over the last few years.

“Do you reckon Pirellis are the go?” “What’s the time difference in WA?”. Yep, he has talked about nothing else. It’s driven poor Spannerman to drink.

He has all the gear he reckons he’ll need, sitting aboard just about the perfect missile in his very own 2019 S 1000 XR and he’s been on the road for about three weeks now. He reckons he will run through some of that gear and what it will set you back. Indeed, there will be a whole heap of tips and tricks among the revelry and merriment, you can be sure of that.

22,000km, 12 months, four sets of tyres, and around 500 sausage rolls. What could possibly go wrong?

He’s camping most of the way, free where possible (‘there’s fugall money in bike journalism Tarquin, so get a trade’ he has muttered more than once to prospective scribblers), and preparing meals etc by the side of the road.

Snaggy intends to talk to locals, see everything he can and bring all of that to you via video updates. Bikes, roads, gear, the good, bad and the ugly. Yeah, it could go awry, but that’s the fun of the thing right? It will surely not be boring.

We’ll be updating you lot regularly with the hi-jinx that will inevitably follow, with video updates on the website and via social media. We are going to stitch it all together, providing he makes it out alive, to come up with a movie. That’s got Blockbuster written all over it huh. OK. We know, but we’re doing it anyway alright?

So. Snag’s Lap. Stay tuned! Snaggy wants all the support he can get!